Drawn
by cilepe
Summary: Some time after the incidents of Amok Time and Return to Tomorrow, Christine finds herself outside Spock's door. But why? Spock/Chapel. More a series of connected one-shots than a multi-chapter narrative.
1. Drawn

It started with her just being vaguely irritable. Then there were sleepless nights tossing and turning. That was followed by the feeling of being just slightly too hot though her body temperature was completely normal.

It culminated with Christine finding herself outside Spock's door in the middle of the night. She supposed 'sleepwalking' was the closest description she could find for how she'd arrived here. She hadn't decided to come nor did she remember the walk. Nevertheless, she was here, staring at the buzzer.

The decision was taken out of her hands when the door slid open. Spock was on the bed, propped up on his elbows, looking at her with a piercing expression. "Miss Chapel."

Christine felt like she was being pulled inside. "Please, Spock. It's Christine."

"Christine," he repeated in a husky voice.

She stopped at the doorway that sectioned off the sleeping area. "Spock, I—I don't know what made me come here. I just know that I had to."

"Yes." His voice was still lower and rougher than usual. He drew himself into a sitting position. "Come closer. Please. Christine."

It was the use of her name that finally drew her forward and made her sit down on the bed in front of him. She fixed her blue eyes on his face, curious, a little afraid—after all, the last time this sort of thing had happened, he'd nearly died. And thrown soup at her. And fought the captain in a battle to the death.

"There is no need to worry. None of those things shall happen this time."

Her mouth fell open in surprise. "How—how did-?"

"I am not entirely sure why we have become linked. I would theorize it has some connection to the time you carried my consciousness."

"Linked? How do you mean linked?" She was puzzled, but not displeased. Not displeased at all.

Spock bowed his head for a moment. It was no easier to discuss now than it had been with the captain. "Vulcans experience several different types of mind-to-mind contact. The simplest is a mind meld. Its significant feature is that it is temporary. Beyond that, there are familial bonds, which are life-long connections between parents and their offspring. It is usually nothing more than a general sense of each other's well-being." He paused again, choosing now to meet Christine's eyes. "The deepest and most important bond of a Vulcan's life is the one he shares with his bond-mate. It begins as a fairly simple connection that will draw a Vulcan and his prospective mate together as the Pon Farr approaches." He waited to see if she could follow his explanation.

Christine pursed her lips. "So you believe that because I carried your consciousness, we now have this basic link. And it's just acting up now because..." Her eyes widened. "Isn't it too soon?"

Spock nearly shrugged. "The normal cycle is once every 7 years. I cannot explain why it is different in my case."

"How can you be sure it won't...be like last time?"

"Because you are here. Christine." He reached out slowly and traced her jaw with one finger. "If you choose it. I will not force you."

Christine closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. "Spock, I-"

"I do not want you to decide now, Christine. I do not wish you to make choices when you do not have all the data. My reluctance to share before nearly killed the captain. Look at me, Christine, please."

He locked eyes with her for a long moment. "There is still time. I regret I cannot be precise as to how much time before I require an answer. But you shall know all I know before you choose your course of action." He pulled his hand away and rested it lightly on his knee. "I wish to perform a mind-meld. It will allow you to gain the knowledge you need quickly."

"Aren't—aren't they rather dangerous?" Christine didn't like that she didn't know much about the facts of a process Spock wound up using rather frequently.

"If performed improperly they can be. I shall take utmost care with you," he said reassuringly.

She nodded. "Alright. I'm ready."

Spock placed his fingers on her psi-points. "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts..."

Christine felt nothing at first until suddenly it was as if she was drowning in a vast ocean of thoughts, emotions, and knowledge, all of which wasn't hers. She did the first thing that came to her; she latched onto the first thought she clearly recognized and held on for dear life, focusing on it, examining it, understanding it, blocking out everything else.

She felt rather than heard Spock compliment her. "Most humans do not cope so well with a first experience. I shall guide you now."

Christine released the thought she'd been clinging to and followed as Spock walked her through a labyrinth. She'd always suspected he felt things keenly and simply buried the responses and now she knew she was correct. She smiled as they passed what appeared to be rooms. They were identical, but as they passed, she could sense which one was unmistakably McCoy and which was Kirk.

He stopped. "Here. We will remain as long as you feel it is necessary. Ask any question you wish and I will answer."

She felt his presence withdraw slightly, as if leaving her alone in a library full of books and record tapes to research at her leisure. Rather than attempt to pick up bits and pieces, Christine stood still and let everything she saw wash over her, fill her mind, and then she began processing. Though Spock had extensive knowledge of the customs and ceremonies involved, much of what filled his mind was clearly the construct of imagination. She couldn't help but suspect Spock might consider it darker than it actually was—after all, he had only his previous experience to go on and that had been aborted. There was plenty of time to worry about that.

What was intriguing her now was the surfacing concept of the marital bond. Human relationships were transient in comparison. The wife well and truly held her husband's life in her hands. If she refused to come to him during his time, he would die. And, though rare, it did happen. Some, though bonded, did not have an accompanying emotional attachment and merely came together for the duration of the Pon Farr and then separated again. That idea was distasteful to Christine.

There were also images of Spock's parents. Christine could feel the overall warmth Spock emanated regarding his mother. She could also feel the chill that surrounded his memories of his father. She filed the knowledge away. There would be another time for that.

_I think I'm ready, Spock. _

Slowly, she felt herself return to reality. The dry heat of Spock's quarters, the gentle touch of his fingers on her face, the scent of incense, all served to ground her. With a deep breath, she opened her eyes and found Spock looking at her intently.

"I really only have one question. Well, it might be more than one question, but it all revolves around one theme. How do you feel about me, Spock?" She could try to narrow it down, but she didn't want him to try to tell her what she wanted to hear.

He didn't take his eyes off her. "It is a fair question. I admit, my current feelings are somewhat clouded. But there is much I admire about you, Christine. And the more I come to learn, the more I come to admire. I do not believe I have experienced love as you would define it, but if that is what concerns you, it is my belief that love does not spring up spontaneously. It is cultivated and grown. I do not doubt that I will love you. I already care for you deeply."

She tilted her head slightly. That wasn't exactly the answer she'd hoped for, but it was honest. "If I accept and we...what happens afterward?" Her greatest fear was giving Spock so much of herself and then being discarded until she was needed again. "I won't just be the person you use to scratch an itch."

"No, I would not expect that of you. I do not desire such an arrangement, either. We would be together, in whatever sense you desire."

She bit her lip, turning over in her mind everything he had just told her. "I'm not saying I will refuse, but if I did—what would happen to you?" It wasn't that she didn't know—she'd seen some rather horrible things in his mind; she just needed to hear him say it out loud.

He tensed. "If we were close enough to Vulcan, I would go there. Perhaps another mate could be procured for me, perhaps not. If not, I would die. If we could not reach Vulcan, I would die."

She didn't want Spock to die. She didn't want him to be with anyone else, either, biological needs or no. She did want him very much to herself. She loved him. Being human, she wanted him to feel the same way before they moved forward. But it wasn't fair to apply human standards to someone who was half-Vulcan and who had been brought up completely Vulcan. "Yes, Spock."

He wasn't sure she meant it. "You must be certain, Christine. Do not act rashly."

Christine took his hand in both of hers. "I'm a little bit better acquainted with myself than you are, Spock. When I say yes, I mean it. I love you, Spock, and this is what you need me to do. We'll make it work."


	2. Jealousy

Leonard entered the mess and took his usual seat next to the captain, noting as he took his first bite than something was bugging Jim. He'd barely acknowledged his best friend and kept looking across the room.

With an ill-concealed eye roll, Leonard followed Jim's gaze. He smothered a laugh. "Jealous, are you, Jim?"

"Of course not," Jim replied too quickly.

Leonard just gave Jim a knowing look. "Frankly, I'm surprised it took them this long to make it public. They've had this thing going for a while now."

Jim looked hurt. "You knew? And you didn't tell me?"

"It's none of our business, Jim."

The captain frowned, though he knew his CMO was right. "I know that. I just never thought Spock would keep something like that a secret. From me, at least."

Leonard snorted. "You expected Spock to admit that he had feelings for Christine?"

Across the room, Christine had noticed the look she and Spock were getting from the captain. "Spock, you need to talk to him."

Spock merely looked at her, puzzled. "To whom are you referring?"

She rolled her eyes. "Jim. The captain. Your friend." He clearly wasn't getting it. "Spock, this is a big change for other people, too. It is going to affect your other relationships."

He inclined his head and cast a quick look in Jim's direction. "I believe you are correct," he concluded after seeing Jim's expression for himself. "I will do so now." He stood, cleared his tray, and then headed to the table where Jim and Leonard were seated.

Christine just shook her head and quietly left the room. She had some paperwork to catch up on...or get a headstart on...or something that needed to be done right now.

"Jim, Doctor," Spock stated, hands clasped behind his back.

"Sit down, Spock," Leonard said, sliding over to make room.

Spock sat down mutely, considering what he should say. "I wrongly assumed, Jim, that my relationship with Christine would have no impact on you whatsoever."

"I'm just surprised, Spock. You've never seemed remotely interested in her before." He didn't want to admit he was jealous of the time Spock was now spending with the head nurse.

Spock frowned imperceptibly. "That is between Christine and myself." He was still not inclined to discuss personal matters, especially not here with so many other crewmembers scattered around. "However, Jim, if you are concerned about me having time for you, Christine generally works through the gamma shift on Friday evenings in order to ensure all necessary work for the week has been completed. And of course I can arrange to be available at other times."

Jim looked chagrined. "I appreciate it, Spock. This will just take some getting used to."

Leonard wasn't quite willing to let it go just yet. "I assume there was some completely _logical_ reason for you to take up with Christine."

Spock turned to regard the doctor earnestly. "There were a number of factors that led us to the decision. Logic was merely one of them."

"Love has little to do with logic, man! Christine's a sweet girl and I don't want you to go breaking her heart with your cold facts."

"Doctor," Spock said with a hint of ice in his voice, "I said logic was _one_ of many factors. You need not be concerned about Christine's emotional wellbeing." His hands, which had been resting in his lap, clenched into fists. He did not like the good doctor suggesting that he would not treat Christine well. In fact, he did not like that the doctor was thinking about Christine at all. "Excuse me, Doctor. Jim." Spock stood, mustering enough control to unclench his fists and walk out of the room calmly, leaving his friends staring after him with bemused expressions.

Spock reached his quarters and took a few minutes to meditate. This possessive attitude was a clear indication that little time remained before pon farr was upon him. Once he felt able to speak and think clearly, he summoned Christine.

She appeared quickly, alarmed by the tone he'd used in calling her. "Spock? What's the matter?" She could sense he was uneasy.

"I believe we have no more than a week or two at most."

"For what? Oh. Of course." She came and sat down cross-legged on the bed, facing him, their knees touching. "Do we need to get to Vulcan?"

Spock took his time to reply. "I do not believe it is essential. But I do believe it is preferable to remaining on the Enterprise." On Vulcan, they would have access to healers, more space, and more privacy. It would also give Christine the opportunity to speak to his mother. Though the idea of them discussing pon farr deeply unsettled him, he knew his mother would be able to help Christine in a way that he could not.

"Well, then. You'd better put in a request now. I'd rather be there too early than too late." She reached for his hand, extending her first two fingers.

"I will do so as soon as you leave," he said, reciprocating the gesture.

"Oh, Spock, who said I was leaving?"


	3. Questions

As had become their habit, Christine and Spock were spending the evening in Spock's quarters. They alternated between watching old Earth movies, Spock playing the Vulcan lute, taking turns reading aloud, or simply sitting in silence, just enjoying being together. Occasionally, they would join in a light meld, becoming more acquainted and comfortable with each other.

They were in the midst of one such meld when a wave of desire hit Christine. She hardly had time to respond before she felt Spock forcibly shove the feeling far back to the depths of his mind. He ended the meld there, saying he did not feel it would be wise to continue at this time.

Christine just looked at him. "I know you're not going to appreciate me saying this, but have you ever considered that half the difficulty of pon farr is how hard you fight against it? You treat it as something to be hated and dreaded. Centuries of cultural repression resulting in an experience you're all terrified of. What would happen if you started to embrace it as a natural part of your lives?"

Spock considered her words. They certainly had appeal, but he could not be certain that it was not simply the pon farr affecting his view. Perhaps he would meditate over her words before he went to bed. "I will consider it."

"Good," she responded with a smile, pressing his hand between hers. "I don't mean to disrespect the Vulcan culture. Choosing to be ruled by logic instead of emotion was a carefully made choice. I'm just not sure completely repressing emotion, even attaching shame to expressing an emotion, is the best way. After all, you admit Vulcans feel deeply. It is a part of you. There is no shame in desiring your mate. It is natural. It is also quite enjoyable."

Spock trailed his other hand along her cheek, unable to deny her words. The lingering touches seemed to ease the fever that coursed through his veins. It grew worse the longer they were apart. Soon he would require her presence almost constantly. "I sense you have more to say, Christine."

"I do. I know we'll be on Vulcan in a few days, but I don't want our first experience of this permanent bond to be right as you descend into a hormonal rage. I think that would be an awful lot for us both to handle at once. Is there really any reason to wait any longer?"

He looked at with warm eyes. He was pleased she was ready. "There is not. I can perform the necessary meld at any time."

She smiled at him. "Whenever you tell me you're ready to try a meld again. I don't want to push you." She was silent for a moment, but there was another question that she wanted to ask. "I know Vulcans don't attach the same importance to weddings as humans do, but after we come back, could we have one? Just a small one. Right here on the ship would be all we would need. I'm not Vulcan, after all, and I would just feel more sure of myself if we had both." She hated to say it, but she wouldn't feel properly married without this human custom, no matter how illogical the feeling.

"If that is what you wish, Christine, that is what we will do. After being bonded as we are, there is no reason to object to the exchange of verbal vows."

She leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. "Thank you, Spock."

"Taluhk nash-veh k'dular. I cherish thee, Christine."


	4. Just Relax

Leonard received Spock's request for medical leave, and though hadn't denied it, he did want some more information. While he might not be able to badger Spock about it, Christine was not so lucky and showed up at his office with a slight scowl.

"If patient confidentiality doesn't cover it, I'm sure there's some regulation somewhere about not forcing spouses to testify against each other," she said. Spock's short temper was rubbing off on her.

"Easy, Christine. I just want to know what's changed. Last time Spock faced this he was threatening me and throwing soup at you. Now you're...Vulcan married? You have to admit you'd probably be curious in my position, too."

She huffed a sigh, unable to object. "I don't have a clear-cut answer to give you. My feelings about Spock haven't changed. But for Spock, it was more than just the proverbial change of heart. He thinks after Sargon placed his consciousness in my mind, it formed a bond between us, similar to the kind of bond he had with T'Pring. We discussed it and decided it was _logical_ to pursue it further." She couldn't resist throwing Leonard's least favorite word in there. She was still annoyed at being questioned and if she was annoyed, he could be annoyed, too.

Leonard threw up his hands. "I will never understand how in the world a nice girl like you could get tangled up with a heartless green-blooded pointy-eared hobgoblin like Spock." He sighed. "But it's not really my business. I'll tell Jim to head straight for Vulcan. I don't want to deal with anything like that last time ever again."

Christine left with only a slight nod of thanks.

* * *

><p>Fortunately there were no conflicting orders and the Enterprise arrived at Vulcan without a hitch. When asked how long the first officer and head nurse might be absent, Christine could only shrug. Spock, even if he could form coherent sentences, couldn't predict how long the pon farr would last. She suggested they apply to stay for shore leave. It might not be a pleasure planet, but it would be a change of pace and give the crew some time off.<p>

While the rest of the crew amused themselves, Christine and Spock headed for Spock's family home. Amanda greeted them at the door and silently thanked whoever might be listening that Sarek was away for the day. She gave Christine a quick hug. "I'm so sorry we can't sit down and have a proper chat, but I'm afraid we haven't the time. I don't want you to worry, though. I've sent everything I thought you might need ahead and it's all there waiting for you." She pressed a small device into Christine's hand. "I don't expect anything to happen that you can't handle, but just in case, stun him with this and summon a healer," Amanda said in a low voice. She then ushered them back out to the transport and nodded at the driver. "Promise to come and see us after. I know Sarek wants to meet you."

Christine nodded and pressed Amanda's hand gratefully. She was sorry they couldn't have a chat, but she was still reassured that Amanda had prepared ahead.

The ride was short. They pulled up in front a series of hills that grew into mountains in the distance. Spock climbed out of the car and immediately headed for an opening, as if drawn by an invisible force. Christine shoot one last look at the driver and then scurried after Spock.

It was a somewhat longer walk than she'd expected, but what she found waiting was quite impressive. A grand chamber had been furnished. The thick stone walls kept it cool inside and the darkness was combated by soft candlelight. Sitting unobtrusively against one wall was a large box with Christine's name on it. She hurried to open it, only looking back at Spock as an afterthought.

He'd gone completely still, but Christine could tell he was afraid and tense. She'd have to worry about the box later. She approached him slowly with a warm smile on her face. "Remember what we talked about. The less you fear it and fight against it, the easier it will be."

Spock tried to nod and relax, but he was terrified that he would somehow injure his bondmate and the thought of that froze him despite the intense fever coursing through his veins.

Christine tutted softly. She took Spock's hand and guided him to a large pile of furs. It provided a far more intimate and welcoming atmosphere than the this mattress that occupied the massive bed frame. She had to get Spock to stop thinking and just let go before he injured himself.

Slowly, she began massaging his neck, then his shoulders, working her way down to his hands. She took her time there, caressing each finger and then bringing it to her lips to receive a soft kiss. She could feel his muscles begin to loosen and then she started to work off his clothing, piece by piece, slowly, gently, ensuring with each step forward that he wasn't about to slam down his wall of control again.

Suddenly, she found herself pinned down by a tight grip. Dark brown eyes filled with fire gazed down at her hungrily and she let out a tiny whimper. She found this part of Spock completely fascinating and somewhere through the haze that filled his mind, Spock sensed this. The knowledge seemed to spur him on and soon had Christine at his mercy, immersed in the fires of pon farr with him.

* * *

><p>Christine cracked an eye open. <em>How long?<em> was her first thought. _Days? Weeks?_ She honestly had no idea and she was loath to move in case Spock awoke as well. But she could sense the raging inferno was no more. It was rather the glow of dying embers and she was grateful. It had been worse than she was expecting, but far better than Spock had feared. She owed Amanda a thousand thanks.

Taking a gamble that Spock would need sleep more than anything else at this point, she turned and adjusted her body into a more comfortable position for sleep. She reached an arm over her head to the store of supplies Amanda had sent. First mission, rehydrate. She took long, slow sips of the solution before setting it back down and curling closer to Spock. Without the heat of their exertions, the chamber was becoming too cool.

She woke some time later to a tickling sensation on her cheek. She flinched away to see Spock practically smirking at her as he traced her jawline with the tip of a finger. She made a disgruntled noise and buried her head, but it was no good. Before long he had Christine writhing and giggling as he teased her in a remarkably human fashion.

Breathless from laughter, Christine looked up into Spock's eyes. "I love you, Spock."

His expression softened. It was difficult for him, but he was determined not to rely on their bond, at least this once. She had saved his life despite the risks to her safety and he was still filled with wonder that anyone could feel so strongly for him, the half-breed, the outcast. "I love you," he said, voice hoarse, trying not to break, "Christine."


End file.
